Essentially Tuscan Quattro

Home is where love resides, memories are created.  Friends always belong, and laughter never ends.  Author Unknown

No matter how much beauty we are surrounded by on a daily basis or how much awaits on the next hilltop there is always a pang of longing that is beckoning us home- not to the building that houses our beds, but to the people (and fury babies) that hold our hearts.  On a day or season that reminds us of our many blessings in life- I'm certainly grateful for the love that we have awaiting us when our journey brings us back home but I'm equally as grateful for the welcoming hearts and extensive kindness that we are surrounded by here in beautiful Tuscany.

We are forever beholden to our friend Pamela.  This amazing journey only came to fruition because of her.  We met Pamela awhile back, during a cooking experience at her home, Poggio Etrusco.   Looking back, when we were driving to our cooking class, we had no idea what to expect and didn’t realize that this beautiful woman and her husband Johnny would be a part of our lives in the future.  Something about that day and about this journey has made me appreciate and embrace the fact that on any day and at any time someone unexpected can walk in and place a stamp on your life in a marvelous way (and hopefully you on theirs).  One of the deepest impressions Tuscany has made on me thus far is that we keep getting stamped by the most dynamic and loving people.  Keep your heart open and say 'yes' to challenges because you never know how those choices will have an impact on the future you.

When we accepted our invitation to come housesit Pamela invited our family to Thanksgiving.  I was honored, excited, and nervous (because how was I going to cook for her amazingness- THANK GOODNESS FOR JON).  More than any of those feelings, however, I felt that cozy feeling like we belonged somewhere in this beautiful boot of a country.  Poggio Etrusco is that cozy, come home, feel comfy, get real, kind of a place.  Pamela and Johnny belong in Italy-their home is like your favorite blanket. Her artisan cooking is bellissimo (there really is not a word that can capture how silly awesome it is)!!  His capucinno’s and hot cocao are worthy of having them transported to the states (no joke)!!!

We arrived at Poggio Etrusco with excitement and truthfully a little a sadness not to be with our own family for this holiday. We all have traditions and you realize when you aren't a part of them how very much they are a part of you.   As you approach their home, however,  you are struck by the beauty that surrounds you.  Rolling hills, olive trees, and a quintessential Tuscan landscape.  You enter the gate to go into their home and immediately the warmth of their place envelopes you.   We were greeted with love and compassion (everyone there was missing someone in their family).  With each new person we met we heard a new story, new excitement, new passion, and found a new connection in life.  My children witnessed people coming together and celebrating in such a familial way even though many of us met moments before.  I'm struck by the beauty in each connection we create and feel.  We felt welcome and in love with everything about this place, again!

They created a meal that was full of tradition and home. Our children were welcomed and loved on in a way that warmed our hearts and touched our souls.  As parents, we pray that this journey was the best choice for our kids.  That our desire to give them opportunities is based on their best needs and not our own (I know many of you have wondered the same thing).  I watched our children converse and connect with new friends (their elders) in ways that I'm quite certain that these imprints will forever be a part of who they are and how they dream.  Poggio Etrusco, Pamela and Johnny, and all of the wonderful people that we were so blessed to have met provided our family a slice of home through their love, laughter and sense of belonging that is innately in who they are and what Tuscany embraces.

You can learn more about Pamela's amazing cooking experiences and discovering Italy excursions by visiting Poggio Etrusco's website.  You can also check our her fabulous cookbooks on Amazon!

Essentialy Tuscan Tre

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.  Being here in the Tuscan countryside I see beauty with every single turn of my head.  When I was alone, however, I was reminded that no matter how beautiful your landscape is, your food is, your wine is, your life is…. it’s really only as good as the people that you are surrounded by.   When our friends left, even though I knew it was what I came here to do, it was so sad to see them go and I was so lonely for my new people.  I felt like I was in a dark alley alone.  When my husband stepped off of the train to come join us for the holiday it was more beautiful than any truffle or hillside could ever be.  It was pure joy.  My heart swelled with emotion and I literally felt the tension in my shoulders relax (no oils or wine can replace his hand in mine). I have never experienced, however, a more generous and loving people and their familiarity is providing comfort and warmth that I hope I get to experience forever more!

I’ve been reminded of imprints while I’ve been here.  Again, when our people left they left knowing that their people would be here for us. (This is how they live.) Coming from the states, but not knocking on them, I’m not sure that I’m that person at home- how sad!!  These people have welcomed us.  We have already been invited to dinners, wine, play dates (they don’t really do those here- but they played soccer in the piazza, shot nurf guns running down the walled streets and went to their new friends home), Thanksgiving with our friends and a German night in December.  I can’t think of another place that is as welcoming and loving as this.  I am going to make it my mission to be dedicated to being more like the people that are giving us a temporary home here!! 

Everywhere you look people are together… they don’t seem as busy as we seem to be.  They are relational.  They aren’t checking their phones at dinner or huffing in the grocery line because it takes a bit.  They are in the moment and the moment is perfect.

Christmas Markets are a great way to experience life and family in Tuscany.  We experienced families and friends (again lines always blurred and I LOVE IT) enjoying each other, laughing kissing, talking, dining.  Being together is enough and everyone is out being!!  I love that people explore and experience in ways that are deep and precious.

Montepulciano- Christmas Market

Montepulciano is a another walled city about 40 minutes away from Cortona.  The city itself is magnificently beautiful for sure- and the drive is something out of a picture.  I kid you not, everywhere you look feels like you’re looking at a Tuscan Print.   The rolling hills, that are hugging the grape vines and shimmering olive trees alike, are breathtaking.  It feels like your mind is reading to you the most romantic story.  I’m enamored.

On the day we arrived in Montepulciano it was the beginning of the Christmas Market.  As you walk towards the piazza lights are simply draped above our heads and old fashioned, wooden, huts are set up throughout .  Here you can purchase Christmas Ornaments, jewelry, fantastic sausage and meats, wine, shoes, Italian wool, and the list goes on….  It’s magical and my family appreciated every moment.  I would be remiss without mentioning the hot chocolate.  If you’ve never had hot chocolate in Europe you’ve never experienced the rich amazing goodness that awaits!!  OH MY HEAVEN IN YOUR MOUTH!!  I feel like we've stepped back in a magical time.  

Family- I heard once or twice- was all about blood- respectfully I will tell you that my family means the world to me (they have all of me).  “FAMILY”, however,  transcends those restrictions and embraces the amazing lives that have imprinted on our lives in ways that go beyond those bounds- these too are family- regardless of blood or not.  I bring this up because this is what I witness here in Tuscany.  If you sit back and watch people approach a piazza- families (immediate, aunts, uncles and elders ) are apparent – so are friends, individuals, singles, widowers.. families here appear to be all encompassing and welcoming.  A few nights ago we experienced the most wonderful dinner with new friends and our families.  We talked, laughed, and shared amazing food.  We just met and the night felt like we had been waiting to see our forever friends- and it couldn't end.  We made plans.  This is what this place does.  It creates family and embraces people which is more beautiful than the Tuscan picture that I'm forever captivated with does.  The picture itself leaves you wondering- but the life here leaves you knowing that the beauty is within each of us- and the imprint is deep-it is a forever thing.

Essentially Tuscan Due

Settling into Italian life has been like coming home to a cozy fire and like a faucet of emotions just put a part of that fire out.  What most people think about Tuscany is absolutely true and then some.  I promise you I’m in love with it here.   We are surrounded by beauty, history, loud warm people that you feel like you’ve known forever, cappuccino that’s served in real cups, food that makes you care less about gaining weight (maybe that’s just me) and wine that is flowing.  Who wouldn’t want that?  I FOR SURE DO!!  AND THESE PEOPLE LIVE IT EVERY DAY.  Our difficulty has not been with ANY of these things- and to be honest the kids seem fine (other than being on awful sleep schedules).  My onset of tears has come from not being with the MY own human/s (my guy and family-apparently I’m attached- who knew).  The great news is that I am being a big girl (WHEW) and I’m feeling excited (may have something to do with my guy coming but who cares-it’s working). I am fully aware that without saying YES to this amazing opportunity I wouldn't have made any of these memories (or met some of the finest people) that we've made in the last 7 days and these are irreplaceable.  I also realize that stepping outside of our hectic daily life and taking time to appreciate each other really does make a difference.  

This journey (I should name it) is already changing things and I'm trying to keep my heart open and be fully engaged in every lesson we are meant to learn.  

Taking the time to take it all in.

Community at the Table

On my first night here, as I’ve stated, I was awe struck by the community that I was surrounded by.  I was captivated by the fact that although there was such diversity within the group their bonds were as solid as the wall around this great place.  It has made me think that the dinner table really is a vessel for fellowship, just like Jen Hatmaker said in For the Love, and that we could take lessons from these people in Cortona.  I also decided that although I find myself wishing that I could replay that night again because there is so much more I want to learn…. I need to take this time to create this same fellowship with MINE. 

Before our friends left they took us to a sagra.  A sagra is like a local fair/picnic.  We drove about 20 minutes down the road and pulled up to what looked like a small fair grounds.  Not knowing what to expect I was curious to see what it was that we were doing.  What an experience!!  After parking your car in a field you enter a tent and order your food.  We brought with us a few bottles of local wine.  This particular sagra was focused on the preparation of pappardelle with a wild hare sauce.  If licking the plate clean were an acceptable part of this culture (which it probably is) every last bit would have been in my mouth.  For less that $20  we not only had an amazing meal- the experience was simply fantastic.  I was enamored by the community of people around me.  People of all ages were enjoying each other. They were smiling, kissing, laughing, and communicating over delicious food.  The tables were long and all were welcome.  Clearly, they recognize the value in being part of a tribe, but their tribes have open arms.

Over the last two days I have taken a few brave steps in order to break bread with my kids and converse over some amazing food.  It's the first time that the 4 of us have been alone (let alone in a foreign country) and I want to create memories for them for their futures.  I don’t want my kids to see a mom that didn’t take risks so I drove (INSERT HUGE WIDE EYES) up to Cortona once during the day and then again at night.  There are no rules here. You'll find barely any middle lines- and those seem like a suggestion.  Same as speed limits.  Cars commonly want to smell each others behinds or something because they get so close you can't see headlights but you can see a bat in the cave- SERIOUSLY!!  All this being said I put my armor on and my precious cargo in the car and we did it!  SUCCESS (this sounds so pathetic- but I feared for their lives). Now that I'm such an expert (I've done it twice-ha) I think driving in Chicago was like putting on my training wheels and now I'm ready to take them off- here's to no road rash!

Click to see the amazing food.  Including Tratufi (truffles) on pizza and pasta, spinach stuffed ravioli and some liquid relaxation- uhm hello goodness.

Our communities begin with our own but our arms should be as open as the people I've had the pleasure to experience.  We've been invited to several things by people that JUST met us and we've been checked in on by some of the loveliest people you'd ever want to meet.  These people know how to love and are so abundantly obvious about it.  Taking the time to sit and have big meals with my kids has created opportunities for long discussions about this very thing.  Closing my eyes while cars fly down the hill and cross the imaginary line coming at me is so worth the memories we are making and lessons we are learning- and that wouldn't have happened if we didn't say YES. I want these kids to notice that a table should be appreciated for the bridge it creates.  What the Tuscan people know is that around a table the differences we come to it with blur, and deep relationships ARE formed when you take THE TIME to sit down and really break the bread and SEE all the people around it.   

Essentially Tuscan Uno

If someone offers you an amazing opportunity but you are not sure you can do it, say yes and then learn how to do it later. Richard Branson

My current situation is that I'm sitting in a beautiful tuscan home just below the breathtaking Medieval Etruscan Town of Cortona, Italy.  We're surrounded by the quintessential cypress that are perfectly dotting the landscape like a mesmerizing picture.  We have already experienced the life, culture and reality in the short time we have been here and I'm certain this experience will imprint deeply on these children.  

piazza del Repubbilica

This amazing opportunity did not come without trepidation and deep consideration for both my immediate family, our families at large, our fury babies and of course ourselves as a couple. Ultimately we decided that this journey could not be passed up for any of us and so we decided to spread our wings and take a leap of complete faith. THE MISSION:  For the next 6 weeks our job is to housesit for our new friends (our connection was immediate and feels for all of us like it was always meant to be).  We will be taking care of 2 dogs, a cat and a beautiful tuscan farm home. It's like THE HOLIDAY- but different. I will attempt to drive and park (SAFELY). (Have you ever driven in ITALY? SHNIKES!!   I'm pretty sure I need to invest in lots of deodorant.)

Everything above may have sounded absolutely amazing and a bit scary to many of you!! Uhm yeah except take “a bit scary” and put a rocket on it!  For some reason though no matter how scary it has been or will be ‘the amazing’ is trumping it.  Before I get into the fun stuff (the pictures and experiences) let’s talk logistics.  I didn’t just arrive in paradise.  In fact when I left with the three kids and luggage I knew that I had to change planes in one country and then in another find a bus to a train station- get train tickets and then board a train with everyone in tow for 1 ½ hours to our final destination.  Terrified would be my word of choice at this point- but I kept praying and everything worked out as seamless as it could have. 

When we arrived at the train station we were greeted with a huge smile and warm hug and many of my fears melted away (thank goodness because with the amount of pasta I’ve already consumed something had to melt away.)  Although we were exhausted and ready for a nap we couldn’t wait to see our new home away from home. The car turned down the tree-lined drive and my nerves for that moment were replaced with pure excitement.  We were immediately greeted by our new, slobbery, fury friends.  This helped to create that connection to our own home and land- and despite the opportunity to be on a new journey there will never be anything like home- so this was comforting.

Our home here is lovely.  During the day the doors are open to the warm sun, chirping birds, happy pups, beautiful landscape and the mystic walled city as a backdrop.  During the evening the air is crisp and the sky is dark but the deep red is smooth and the food is pure comfort and joy.  Did I mention the Olive Oil?  Yeah we need to talk a lot about Olive Oil- for ultimately that is what has brought us here- but I’ll get into that in a little bit. Little things like the brick archways, smaller appliances, tiny showers and ceramic floors are appreciated for their differences to our own country.  Clothes hanging on the line and elderly people working in their yards and gardens are commonplace and truthfully mesmerizing.  The differences in culture don’t negate the similarities in all people- to feel loved and connected- and this place is full of that.  Let’s talk about my first night. 

Click to see all photos.

The Wine Dinner- Night UNO

The Molesini Wine Shop in Cortona is fabulous.  Their wine and knowledge are a true treat.  We discovered them seven years ago- my guy was more than impressed-so I was excited when I found out that I would be attending the last wine dinner of the year.  For 26 weeks on Thursday nights, the wine shop pairs with Del Brenna Jewelry Store- my favorite jewelry and shoes on earth- and local restaurants for a night of fabulous wine, amazing food and beautiful friendships-both old and new. 

We arrived at the outer wall and parked (here you sort of just land your car wherever- double parking is a real thing).  We began our uphill walk to the piazza della Repubblica where the wine shop is located.  As you walk your mind is reminded of history and beauty and the desire to be told the story of the place is consuming……but the wine and people await.

In the piazza Molesini has a table set up with a flight of wine for our tasting pleasure. I was immediately struck by the community these people had.  I didn’t know their stories- at the time-but everyone was smiling, kissing cheeks, and conversing as one big family.  It was beautiful. 

After the tasting was completed we all made our way to La Logetta  which is located in a 13th century building with a beautiful medieval loggia overlooking piazza della Repubblica.  The atmosphere and ambiance are captivating. 

The meal was to die for and a definite must do for Cortona but as I sat back and took in what was going on around me I was in awe of the deepness of friendship and love that was surrounding me.  I was at a table of Ex-Pats and locals alike.  Most had moved here at some point, one couple was just visiting, and there was me.  This community was breaking bread and sharing wine in a more joyful manner than I've seen in years.   There were personalities throughout- and some of it- I'm not going to lie- reminded me much of Under the Tuscan Sun, by Frances Mayes because there was an authenticity to be you and you would be loved. She obviously felt something that was real when coming here, because I caught the same vibe the other night.  These people were beautiful and different than what I experience back at home and I loved it!!!

Acceptance and love are prevalent.  T (that's my name for her) and K are amazing.  She has shown us love and been patient to no end.  I truly think some people are meant to meet and I really think that we were supposed to.  I also think that the next several weeks are taking all of us away from our homes and loved ones and that's not without its challenges.  We all have lessons to learn and people to meet.  The memories we will make will be spoken about for years to come-for that I'm already grateful.  If what I learned on the first night holds true- say yes and learn how to do it later because in life the more people you meet the richer you are........tuscany is a lesson in that.

Corrie

I am no Oprah-well we both diet a lot- but, like her, I have a lot of favorite things. With Christmas around the corner I want to occasionally feature some gifts that are heartfelt and meaningful.  Can you humor me with that?  

Many times my favorite things correlate with my favorite people.  In my house Corrie, from CWDRAWINGS has one name- I don't believe my kids even know her last name because her first name is more than enough.  She came into our lives in a time of desperate need on my part.  Three kids under the age of 5- she came to save this crazy mom!  She did more than that.  For years she blessed my family with her very presence- she was originally here to let my guy and I have date nights- but she became one of my dearest friends.  Her artwork is an extension of her soul- beautiful, eclectic, passionate, kind, clean and it tells a story. Like her, she is always grounded in the word, and with the word in her heart she touches lives just by being.  

CWDRAWINGS has fun prints, custom work, new stationary, cards and BRAND NEW 2016 Calendars!  I'm obsessed with her work.  

Corrie is launching 2 new calendars for 2016!!  How fun are they?

Let's chat with Corrie and find out about her work and who she is!

You describe your work as “tongue in cheek”. Can you tell me more about that? In my work, I seek to be as authentic as possible to who I am as a person. I have a deep appreciation for craftsmanship and pay attention to fine details, while at the same time have a light-hearted side that appreciates a sly remark and a quick wit. My work truly embodies so much of who I am!

You’ve said that you like your work to be understated. Why is that important to you? Yes, it is important to me! I am crazy about negative space and am drawn to simplicity. My work is for those who take the time to inspect. To study. To appreciate. When I draw I never want to overdo it; I don’t want there to be any distractions from the main subject and want that singular focus to make a powerful impact.

-What's your process? When doing a portrait what do you consider before beginning? I’m considering the pose of the animal. The mood. The personality. I’m looking at the shadows and shapes on the face and how those will translate to a drawing.

-How do you try to stay creatively inspired? Do you have any rituals? Such a good question because it definitely takes intentionality to stay inspired! For me, it’s connecting and sharing ideas with my closest of friends. It’s enjoying a long bike ride through the country. It’s having a purposefully slow morning of coffee and conversation with my sweet sister. For me, my spirit is most fueled and rejuvenated (both creatively and otherwise) when I am intentional about taking in the joys of everyday life. 

For more information and to order some amazing gifts or to treat yourself (as I have done) check out CWDRAWINGS.COM.  These are gifts everyone will treasure!!

Connected

All of us NEED to feel conncected.  We want to be part of a tribe.  Need to feel like we belong.  It usually starts with family and then trickles through every aspect of our lives.  Some people are gifted at connecting and staying connected.  For others, they desperately try to hold on to anyone they can, on any level possible, because they desperately crave that connection like oxygen.  There is nothing like sitting next to your person laughing, chatting, crying and connecting.  

We have so many tools now a days to keep us connected to everyone!!  Facebook, cellphones, Instagram, Snapchat- you name it and everyone is a click away.  Why do some people feel so lost and isolated then?  Social media is NOT all bad.  There is greatness in it.  If used for good- it can change the world. Same holds true of the opposite.  I do think that relying on Social Media for personal connection, which many of us have been guilty of, can leave you feeling alone and isolated!

After talking with a friend this week I started thinking about how no matter where we are in life we all just want to belong SOMEWHERE.  We want a tribe that tells us that we are ok. A familiar face that smiles and affirms that we are in the right spot.  A REAL live person that reaches out and touches your hand to show you that you matter.  For many those personal connections can be fostered in places like church, sports, work or hobbies, but for some no matter where they go they feel lost and afraid.  I want to make a difference in the lives of those people.  

I can't stop thinking about this because I'm getting ready to embark on a serious journey of sorts.  I'm going to a place that the only familiar faces will be my small tribe and I'm pretty ok with it.  Digging deep within I realized that it doesn't matter the size of your tribe- it's that you have one.  For me, there isn't comfort in numbers, there's warmth in deep, raw, unfiltered connection.  The kind of connection that the person next to me can tell me that my muffin top really needs some work (unless you are my mom or sister.)  I kid, what I need and what everyone else needs can't be too dissimilar.  We all need TRUST in order to connect in a healthy way.

What I've found  in my very unprofessional search is that for most people who struggle with connection is that they lack trust in one person-themselves.  These are the people that wrestle with their internal struggles and can't seem to forgive themselves.  They fail to see the beauty and greatness they were created to be.  They don't know how they like their eggs- because they are always trying to be what someone else wants them to be.  They try to forge relationships by drawing attention to themselves through sympathy or by pretending to be something they are not. (They may have never taken the time to get to know themselves.)  If they only knew that if they were themselves, an absolutely imperfect perfect version of themselves (as we all are)-the people that truly loved them would relate to them in deeper ways than the surface settlers.  

Life is about love and relationships.  It doesn't matter what shoes you wear or how many times you've redecorated your house.  Those things are temporary fillers.  Life is about deep connection and loving people- no matter where they are at.  Community looks differently to all people.  It can be a table of 2 or two hundred.  It doesn't really matter as long as the hearts involved are filled with trust and belonging.

A Letter To Me

Due to some unforeseen, unfortunate circumstances we have experienced one of the toughest seasons of our life.  I have been thinking about how although the last few years have been years I wish never happened- I’ve learned lessons and experienced PEOPLE in ways I may never have.  I will be eternally grateful for my hubby and kids and our families and great friends that have loved on us through it.  Although their love and compassion mean the world to us at the end of the day we had to dig deeper and work harder.  I learned more about me during this time than I ever imagined and I have found passion.  Many of us have seen times that we wished we never experienced.  Times that we wish would go away.  Standing somewhere close (I HOPE) to the end of my time I still wish I could have told myself all the goodness that would come out of this time a few years ago…..

Dear EB-

I know you’re frightened and afraid.  I know that the waters that you are wading through right now are murky and unfamiliar.  I don’t want you to worry.  I know that it is so hard in this moment to see light. Things are going to be hard- for this I’m sure-but during the next few years you are also going to see brightness.  The problem is that the brightness is going to come outside of your comfort zone- so you may not recognize it-be aware!  You are going to experience different joy- things that you never thought would give you joy will make your toes tingle. You will have clarity in things you never imagined and never thought yourself capable.

Life can throw you curve balls.  Nobody wants a curve ball.   This is not something you asked for- this is something you deal with.  This is where your adult pants get put on one leg at a time and you just do it- you don’t give up.  Your skills, your experiences, your passion and your faith will see you through- and you will hit that darn ball out of the park.  Occasionally you have to close your eyes and let your instincts take over.  You will learn things that had you not gone through this you may never have learned.   Here are some key things I want you to know:

Have Faith:  Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."  You can’t just say it- believe it.  All of your fears lack faith and it is in your faith you will forever find solace and comfort.  HOLD TIGHT- because HE is holding you closer than ever. KNOW that you are going to be ok.  He will never leave you. Those Oils that you were just introduced to- yeah they are awesome but they will change your life in ways you never dreamed-just wait.

LIVE:  Even when you feel like things are falling apart…LIVE.  You are going to be ok. Remember don’t let the darkness and the hard times pull you into an abyss.  You must look for the light and LIVE.  There is so much love and joy around you.  LIVING LIFE IN DARKNESS GIVES YOU DEEPER EXPERIENCES THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE.  Life is really SEEN in the simple things. Coming into this season you may have forgotten to fully see this.  You lost yourself in the chaos of life but as you are trudging through it you will be aware of things you’ve missed….You won’t ever forget those again.  HAVE FUN.  Fun is not just reserved for perfect live’s- don’t forget those don’t exist.  Just have FUN- even if you aren’t totally feeling it because life is short and this too shall pass.

HOPE:  You’ve always been optimistic, and you’ve always seen life with rose colored glasses, but now you feel tainted and maybe a bit cynical and that’s really not you.  Curve balls don’t need to produce cynicism and sadness- they are opportunities to find greatness.  Who you are is not based on how you behave in times of abundance and joy- who you really are is how you behave in the deepest trenches in your life.  You are greater than this trench.  KNOW THAT THERE IS SO MUCH OUTSIDE OF THIS TRENCH….GO FOR IT.

YOU:  When things get tough the tough get going….you got this girly.  Don’t let things in life roll you over.  BE YOU and OWN IT.  Take this opportunity to build something of your own.  Contribute to your family by making things happen.  You are going to find your passion- you already have and just don’t recognize it yet.  You are going to own it and you are going to LOVE every minute of helping those around you.  YOU are bigger than your circumstances and you were born for greatness… I have seen what you are going to do with that and I’m actually proud of you.

These times will give you abundant gifts… Seeing the sun through the clouds is tough- and you really have to look for it but I promise you your heart will be warmer to those around you and your worries will be less because you know that all the worry in the world doesn’t change things.  You’ve are experiencing fear and anxiety- don’t worry they won’t kill you- you really will be stronger.  So now, clear your path and blaze ahead.  Be prepared for bumps- just know, that you will come through this with a grateful heart! At the end of the day the curve ball is NOT going to strike you out this time- you are going to hit a grand slam!

LOVE,

The Stronger, More Loving, More Compassionate, More Determined,  More Faithful, More Empathetic, More Greatfull YOU.

Good

Definition of "GOOD"- that which is morally right; righteousness.

I was walking into Target the other day with all three of my children.  (If you are a parent of little ones-it will happen sooner than you think.)  These three kids are so different.  The way they look at life, the way they dress, and the way they behave, reflect this daily.   They were negotiating (I'm being kind in my description) with me about how good  they were so they deserved this, that and the other thing inside.  Let me just say this and it won't sound 'good' or kind:  I know I should appreciate these moments but to be honest going to Target with three kids is a form of torture I don't enjoy MUCH AT ALL.  Whew- at least I'm honest about it.

ALL THREE SO DIFFERENT

Anyway my oldest son said something to the effect "Mom, we're good kids.  We love Jesus. We don't do drugs and we don't do other bad stuff that kids our age do.  Don't you think we deserve something?"  (He wasn't trying to manipulate me-had one of the others said it-probably- this is just how he thinks.)

My response in my head "Thank you Lord that they are good kids."

My response out loud "I'm not going to buy you anything for doing what you should do. You will not get things because you are doing what is expected.  That's your job."  

He got me thinking. (Not about buying him video games as he wished.)  

Don't get me wrong, our kids are handsomly rewarded ALL THE TIME, for just being themselves but his statement made me wonder: What is good? Is 'Good' different for each kid? For each person?  He just named things that they all were and weren't doing that in his head (and mine, actually) made him good but would this be someone else's good?  I'm not pretending that I'm some crazy philospher all of a sudden but I'm constantly checking my own actions with my core beliefs.

Quite a few years ago I voiced this question/thought to someone I really respect.  She was of authority and had the right to speak to me on how being good wasn't necessarily what we were called to do.  In the context in which we were speaking-discussing salvation-she was absolutely right.  Although she meant this principal to set me free in my own life- she messed me up.  I wasn't ready for it at the time.  Just as people who make unorthodox choices need comfort in knowing that they are ok, so do those that make orthodox choices.  Society has given way to making wrong right and right wrong... maybe neither are right or wrong- I'll loosely give you that- but you can't call my right wrong and your right right if nothing is right and nothing is wrong. I just managed to confuse you and me.

To the core of me I want to do right and I have misguidedly held those around me to those same standards.  MY STANDARDS.  I have often used the phrase "I don't expect anything from you that I don't require of me."  My poor kids.  My mom is secretly cringing-I got my nose pierced-because I gave up thinking I was good if I didn't a year ago- so that makes it ok for my daughter-uh oh.   Question- does the fact that I used to think it was NOT 'good' for my kids to see me with a nose ring (Hoodlum- I just dated myself) but now I do make getting a nose ring good or bad?

The reason I find myself thinking about the idea of 'being good' so much is because in my tight little suburb (ish) Christian environment I have felt that 'not being good'  or not 'doing right' is excused under the guise that Jesus died for our sins.  We are all sinners- I get it.  Without getting into a theological argument- I'll lose anyway- I affirm that Jesus died for our sins.  ABSOLUTELY.  I also know that if you know JESUS then he changes your heart and doing good and being good becomes your mission because you want to GLORIFY HIM.  BUT....WHAT IS GOOD?  

There are some definite BAD things...Killing, stealing, abusing and the list goes on.  Those are all OBVIOUS BAD things.  What is good?  I believe loving, helping, nurturing, giving, glorifying, listening and learning are all GOOD things.  Those are my good things.

I go back to the nose ring.  Is it good or bad?  I think it's good- for me.  You may not agree with  them- for you.  Do you see what I'm saying?  What about tattoo's?  I know many people personally that if they see somone with a sleeve (I'm cool because I know the lingo right?) they immediately judge them as a druggie or looser.  They are bad in some minds.  One of the kindest people I've ever met has a huge tatoo of her grandma on her shoulder.  She is no druggie or looser.  She is pure GOODNESS.  Do you see how our minds create good and bad based on beliefs that aren't even anchored in TRUTH.

I've lived my whole life believing in concrete things- things that I belive are GOOD.  I have also spent my life believing in simple things-that I believe are GOOD. (I would put a nose ring and tattoo in the category of simple things.) Truthfully for much of my life I believed that if the proverbial our 'GOODS' weren't the same then your 'GOOD' was BAD.  I'm sorry for that.   My good and your good look different.  I'm sure of it.  In my circles we talk about 'gifts.' My husband and I have been told that one of our 'gifts' is giving, but our friends 'gift' is not giving.  Does that make us "GOOD" but not him?  I don't think so.  His GOOD is so different than ours but so perfect to who he was created to be.

As their mother I see profound differences in my three kids but I see them all as GOOD.  Each one feels different things and expresses themselves to others so differently.  As community, as friends, as family, and as people we must all recognize that we are all doing the best we can do most of the time- and that is GOOD.  My Authorative Friend didn't set me free all those years back because I was imposing my expectations on what being GOOD was- based on my beliefs- on every relationship that I had.  MY GOOD was the only GOOD- in my mind.  I have matured (I hope) in my thinking enough to KNOW that I still do believe in my GOOD but that doesn't make your good bad.  Our beliefs are just different.

Going back to my kids (because in my world everything goes back to my babies) they are all going make some bad choices. It's a given.  They are going to be different from one another.    They are going to do things that I don't believe are good.  I did, do and will.  The thing is that if it's good it's not hurting anyone else.  Even though the definition states "that which is morally right,"-everyones definition and determination of 'right' is different.  My dad can not figure out why I put a hole in my perfectly good nose (he doesn't think it's right)- or why my hair is short- but he still loves me. GRACE.  Even when they don't make the wise choices that I wish they would, I see the good in my children.  At the end of the day we must all show each other love, respect, grace and forgiveness for our shortcomings because I really believe that we are all working on our own good-even if it's not the good that we believe in our core-we can still open our eyes and hearts to HIS people.  This must start with me and my trips to target with my crazies.  OH HEAVEN HELP ME BE GOOD.

Because I Read

Awhile back I was asked, by a reader (my mom- totally kidding), to give a list of books that I just love. I love to read but I didn't want to do it because I thought I would leave something out (you know the book might feel bad or something-I'm balanced) and I didn't want people to judge my choices.  After reading a book that added value to my life (always looking for those)- I decided that a list of books was worth me being vulnerable.  Before I get started I want to state that of course I LOVE my Bible but it's not just a book for me- it's the way I live- so let's not get mad that it's not listed. I'm not a book critic so I'm not going to summarize these books- I'll give you a quick caption into why I like them.  I am filled up because I read.  It makes my heart happy and helps to keep my mind busy- which for me is a good thing!

MY TOP TWENTY BOOKS (not in any in particular order)

1.  The Outlander Series, by Diana Gabaldon  I dream in kilts now- just saying'....OH WOW- this series is a WELL worth it commitment.  THIS LOVE STORY ROCKS MY WORLD.  After the historical data in the first book that some think can be tedious-THEY are AMAZING!!  Ok so there is romance, sex, historical fiction and some time travel- I mean seriously though they were a completely guilty, yet wonderful pleasure.

2.  Into the Wilderness Series , by Sara Donati  After I finished book seven of The Outlander Series I was pretty sad (while waiting for 8).  My friend Lindsay told me about this series, Into the Wilderness.  I LOVED them.  Now, they weren't my fav's like The Outlander Series, but I love  the era.  I love the primitive life style.  The love story was beautiful and they really captured my heart.

3.  For the Love, by Jen Hatmaker  She is seriously funny, authentically real, and adoringly open.  Every mom and women should read this book.  She tells us what we all want to hear.... we are doing ok... and ok is great.  

4.  Loving Frank , by Nancy Horan OH MAN- I love reading stories about people that I want to know more about.  Coming from an area with Frank Lloyd Wright's architectural masterpieces' and influence- I was intrigued by this book.  It did not disappoint. This love affair was absolutely unsettling in that it disregarded their marriage vows.  I was captivated throughout.  The ending was shocking.

5.  Sarah's Key- by Tatiana de Rosnay Get your tissue.  This book is set in WWII- which I'm completely intrigued with. I was unaware of the vast round ups that took place in France.  This story absorbed my attention with the different story lines.  Quick read-captivating story. 

6.  A Severe Mercy, by Sheldon Vanauken- Best non fictional love story I've ever read. (Thank you Emily.)  This search for faith, friendship and love is just beautiful.  I've never read anything like it and it certainly imprinted on me.

7.  A Separate Piece, John Knowles  One of my all time favorite classic stories.  Again set in WWII era- their adolescence was robbing them of their innocence. This story made an impression on the younger me.

8.  Love in the Time of Cholera, by Gabriel Garcia Marquez Was recommend to me by someone I so respect.  Had a hard time 'getting into' the story but once I did it was one of my favorites!!  This story was about young loves who went their separate ways, had their separate lives and found their way back to each other.  Love this story so much!

9.  The Paris Wife, by Paula McLain This is the story of Ernest Hemingway and his wife Hadley.  I was captivated by Paris in 1920, but more so this love that was so beautiful yet so ugly.  As in Loving Frank, I was mesmerized by how a person with such creative genius could have such a messy personal life.       

10.  Son of Hamas , by Mosab Hassan Yousef  This book captured me from the beginning.  Yousef grew up with an insiders view of the terrorist group Hamas.  His story connected dots that I wasn't connecting from watching the news and it provided me insights into the trials that are going on not only on the larger scale but within families in the middle east.  His story is heroic and mind blowing.

11.  Velvet Elvis , by Rob Bell.  This book, at the time that I read it, provided me with a refreshing way to look at my faith.  He felt more realistic to me than what I was otherwise exposed to.  He challenges us to express our doubts, concerns and our fears about faith.  I LOVED it and felt freed by it. 

12.  The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown  I totally pushed back on Dan Brown's books UNTIL I read this one!!  OH my goodness.  I devoured it.  I totally appreciated the Masonic history and the fact that the setting was in our own Capital.  

13.  The Shack , by Paul Young  First of all this book is fiction.  The reason I liked it so much was that God is represented in different ways.  In one way, in particular, God is represented as a big warm black woman.  Here's the reason I liked it.  I understand it's not legalistic and that it's not biblical- BUT some humans, with human brains, have a really hard time thinking of God as their father- especially if they've had a bad relationship with their earthly father.  The symbolism in this book was relatable.  For that reason, and many others, I thought it was a really good read!!

14.  Tribes, by Seth Godin It's in all of our nature to want to belong.  Godin inspires and ignites a passion in his reader to want to lead a tribe.  We are born for greatness and we can all lead- we choose to do it.  Inspirational and relatable!

15.  Do Over, Jon Acuff  THIS IS MY JAM.  Acuff rocks my world.  He is refreshing and honest, real and raw.  I love his humor and I relate to his passion.  We all have inner passion and desire. Most of us have sold out or given up- but we don't have to any longer!!  We don't need to be stuck doing the mundane- we can capture our hearts desire and create brilliance!  BEST BUSINESS BOOK I've read in a LONG time!

16.  Me Before You and  After You, by Jojo Moyes  Again, get your tissue and prepare to be engrossed in this storyline.  Sure it brings up some moral and ethical issues but oh man is it good.  I found myself thinking about it for DAYS after I had finished Me Before You.  After You kept my attention as well.  I did the ugly cry.  

17.  Cold Tangerines, by Shauna Neiquist  I LOVE THIS BOOK.  It's about seeing God and Greatness in the little things in life.  It gives comfort and peace to the mom trying to do it all- cause we aren't.  It gives us hope and redemption in our lives.  I devoured this book!

18.  Kisses from Katie-A Story of Relentless Love and Redemption, Katie Davis I LOVE THIS STORY.  I have to be honest her story made me check myself in many ways but mostly because I knew I could do better.  At eighteen she gave up a great life in Nashville to become the adopted mother of thirteen girls in Uganda.  She went alone.  Through Gods mercy and love she gained so much more than she gave up but her story challenges each of us to follow our calling.

19.  The Nazi Officers Wife- How One Jewish Woman Survived the Holocaust, by Edith H. Beer She was a strong woman in Vienna when the Gestapo forced her into a camp. She went underground and became a different woman all together.  This is a story of heartache, survival and triumph.  

20.  Orphan Train, by Christina Baker Kline  This was part of American history that I never learned about- or slept through. (Entirely possible.)  It sent pangs of sadness and guilt through me as I read but I wanted to learn more.  Immigrant children were sent on trains from New York, to the midwest, if they had lost their families or had no families.  Said trains would stop in different town and by luck or chance a family may take a child or not.  The train would continue on its path- people choosing children like candy.  This story highlights resiliency and how friendship can help protect the human spirit.

I'm sure I could have added several more books to the mix.  These are just a few that stood out.   I have often said I'm a better me when I read.  Even if it's just 5 minutes a day, it calms my spirit and adds value to my life- or a kilt to my imagination- which is NOT a bad thing- trust me!

"The more you read the more things you know.  The more you learn the more places you will go."  Dr Seuss

Chicago-By Day

I get asked a lot about where my guy and I go to eat when we hit Chicago.    There is something about walking on a brisk day in this beautiful city, wind blowing (it's always blowing), breeze in your hair (if only I had some) and his hand in mine!!  We talked the other day about how the fall brings with it something so romantic and fresh- even though everything is dying.  Grabbing a great lunch and possible cocktail really add to the sweet aura of the season!  We really do like to mix it up a ton but I thought I would share some of our favorites!!

Our Favorites- Not in any special order

1. Nico Osteria 1015 N Rush Street, Chicago, Illinois 60611  312.994.7100.  We Love this place for an upscale- but approachable- brunch feel.  They have fantastic oysters.  YOU MUST TRY.  Their mignonette sauce is one of my favs!!!  Although it may be hard to imagine oysters and then Spaghetti Carbonara- but holy goodness it's good!!  It has bacon, egg yolk with the perfect balance of mojama (tuna).  It is so spectacular!!

Nico Osteria

2.  Little Goat  820 W Randolph St. Chicago, IL 60607  •  312 888 3455 This place is straight up fun, funky and it reminds us of Europe.  Holy cows alive even if you are coming for breakfast you HAVE to try their fried onions and pickles!  They come with ranch and a curry aioli. TO DIE FOR!! I am very well aware that my breakfast habits are not traditional but next stop is the chili- You don't want to miss it!  They have this pizza poofs in there that totally add something fun!  I'm personally in love with their Fish Tostadas with crisp whitefish, shallot aioli,chickpeas and onion salad.  GET IN MY MOUTH.  So good!

3.  Wishbone 1001 W. Washington, 312.850.2663  Located in the west loop this southern style delight is just a down home, fun place to go!!  I love me some crawfish cakes and crab cakes- and this is the place to come.  Throw in some cheddar grits and boy oh boy you've got something there!!  There is no place like Wishbone to have a yummy southern home cooked meal!!!  Not to mention the people are so sweet and friendly.  Get there!

4.  Luxbar 18 E. Bellevue, Chicago, IL 60611, 312 642 3400 This place is great when we wake up in the city on a Saturday morning and we are looking for a yummy breakfast that won't take too long!!  Again going with the unconventional- their Tuna Tartare is delicious!  It's got a slight kick and we love it! (It's usually my breakfast.)  My guy really likes their Classic Benedict.  They didn't reinvent the wheel here-but it's always great!

5.  Carnivale Chicago702 W Fulton St, Chicago, IL 60661 (312) 850-5005  The vibe in this place is just fun.  You could be standing waiting for your reservation and your feet start moving to the music.  (I'm dancing again.)  Their ceviche's are amazing.  They are so fresh and delicious!! The calamari is a must!! It has Green papaya, carrots, malanga, cilantro, smoked hazelnuts, sweet and sour adobo that just jumps in your mouth.  Spectacular!  Want something fun?  Try their Organic Cotton Candy with house made Carmel Corn.  I felt like a young kid in love!

I have already featured a few other places that I would ABSOLUTELY go by day as well:  The Hampton Social and Au Cheval for sure!!!  

For my guy and I dating during the day is a lot of fun and a must!! There are so many choices and it tends to be cheaper.  Any time we can spend time together enjoying new food and great places is a win.  These places are fun and will definitely leave you with something good to talk about.  Day dates are where it's at!

Goodbyes

My mom ruined me.  (Sorry Mom but you did.)  I'm damaged and broken.  I fall apart and loose my (BLEEP).... when I have to say 'goodbye'.  As the story goes, when I was about 2- my grandparents moved from our hometown to Florida.  You know they had to go where peeps go to feel young again.  My mom was, understandably, devastated.  She sobbed and I, at 2, comforted her.  Apparently I rubbed her back and told her it would be ok.  

That did it.  I HATE (I'm not supposed to use that word but I do) GOODBYES.  From that moment on "Goodbyes" transform my normally calm self into a freak show with heavy tears, uncontrollable shaking and a lot of lip biting.  It's involuntary- it just happens.  Sometimes I even try to smile through it so that it doesn't happen...makes it worse!  On the flip side, many people that I know take it in stride.  A pat on the back, shake of the hand, a one armed hug.  It's all good (while I rock back in forth in the corner.)  

In this life we have an abundance of goodbyes.  Each day presents itself with a plethora of opportunities for new goodbyes.  Husband goes off to work, kids go off to school, friend comes for coffee and leaves.. and the list goes on.  (I typically do these goodbyes with out gyrating- so that's good.) These goodbye’s we rarely think about.

Then there are the REAL ONES.  The ones that cut.  The ones that count.  The ones that bring the kind of finality that our human minds and hearts don’t want to experience.  These goodbyes are so incredibly painful.  Being separated from the physical presence of someone you love is suffocating.  With physical presence comes a perceived security. Humans like to feel secure.  The removal of this presence causes pain and uncertainty. Absence leaves a gaping hole that is yearning to be filled. 

When I lost my grandpa a few years back a few of my family members, including me, spoke at his funeral.  They walked up to the altar with poise and confidence and did beautifully.  Me, not so much.  I fell apart.  I was shaking and squeaking incommunicably.  (Thanks mom- I kid.)  Their composure and my break down were not direct correlations to what that amazing man meant in each our lives, or our love of him- we just all handled it differently.

Here's the problem: The way each of us deals with things is individual to our being.  One complication with loss is that because of the fact that we all deal with it so differently it can create more loss if each person experiencing it isn't allowed to deal with it in their own way.  Bitterness and misunderstanding can rear their ugly heads between the living.  Dealing with pain manifests itself in each person so differently.  There is no love scale-o-meter that exists to determine which way of dealing with loss is indicative to how much you loved them. You all loved them. Period.  Trying to recognize other people’s way of dealing can also give you a glimpse into their grief as well.  That is a bond that needs to be formed or you risk irreversible damage in your living relationship.

The immensely gapping hole that is left when our loves leave this world, in my experience, can't be filled. I don't even try because each person has his or her own special place in my enormous heart.  I create new hills from which others can slide down, but I don’t try to fill the hole that is left with anything but the memories of the one I lost. 

Although I’m filled with the certainty of heaven and promise of forever-I still do goodbye’s horribly. .  I KNOW THAT I WILL SEE HIM AGAIN and that does give my small human mind great comfort.  The pain that I felt was the beginning of my healing.  That hole that once was gaping is filled with the memories of beaches, and ground up meat and pickle sandwiches, Old Milwaukee, being thrown in the pool, and lots of laughter.  As life tends to do it came full circle… I received comfort from my kids patting me on the back telling me it would be ok.  I also know that no matter how tough goodbyes are for me, I am blessed to be able to say goodbye because that means that I was also able to say Hello.

BLENDED

When I was younger I was embarrased that I wasn't part of a perfect family.  As I've gotten older I don't even know what that means but I felt what I felt.  So here's the deal...and this concept is really hard for many to grasp... OUR HEARTS ARE HUGE.  Think about that for a moment.

At a certain time in my life... I wanted... I hoped... I dreamed that my heart was smaller than it was.. I didn't want to love anyone else.  PERIOD.  I didn't want to be a part of anything more  than my own family.  My heart has changed, my beliefs have been modified...somewhat.

I believe in love.  I believe in family. I believe in marriage. PERIOD.  I also belive that all three of these things are HARD-REALLY HARD.  Life happens-and sometimes adults make really tough adult decisions.  My parents got divorced when I was youger and it was the most painful thing.  Kids can get lost in divorce because it's so commonplace today.  As a child of divorce let me tell you- it hurts BADLY!  It hurt to know your family was broken because all the others, in your young mind, looked perfect.  Children love THEIR parents, both of them- it doesn't feel and shouldn't feel natural to them for these two people that they cherish to not be together.  Let me also tell you I had it pretty darn good-I have an amazing family that didn't allow us to get lost. (Yet it still was hard.)

When you are in the middle of deep pain it's hard to imagine blessings can come out of darkness- but they do.  To be honest I would argue that I, personally, didn't WANT blessings to come out of it- I wanted to prove them wrong! (Ha, of course I did.)  I wanted them to feel my pain- as if they didn't.  (DRAMATIC-I KNOW.)   I wouldn't wish divorce on any child, but life happens and when it's your reality life must unfortunately go on.  It did.  I hate to use the word thankful but this is my life- and I'm thankful that it happened because I wouldn't wish away the people that the LORD gave me because of a broken marriage.

What came from my parents divorce (IN TIME) was two families: BLENDED.  Although a marriage seperated-the two parts (only larger) came back together and formed a union stronger than their marriage was-a blended family.  Looking at my family now, through the eyes as a parent myself, I'm SO proud of them.  There were hard feelings- oh were there hard feelings- anytime passion and love is involved in any relationship there will be hard times.  The way I see it- I'm actually happy there were hard times- it has made me appreciate that the two people who brought my sister and I into this world, although not meant to be together, had love for one another.  The fact that they are both loved and LOVE now, different and better, than what they could have done for each other gives me comfort and joy!  The LORD brought this beautiful new family into our lives that I never want to be without-HIS PLAN FOR OUR LIFE was greater than what mine would have been.

One of the biggest lessons I learned from 'The Divorce' (it has it's own title around these parts-kind of likes it's the only one that has ever happened anywhere) was that they put on their big girl pants and big boy pants and personified what being an adult was for all of us kids to see.  Novel concept- parents doing their job- placing their childrens feelings above their own for the benefit of their kids.  Thank goodess I have examples to model after.

TODAY we ALL celebrate holidays, birthdays and truthfully we've vactioned together. (LIKE NO FORCING GOING ON GUYS-HOW COOL ARE THEY?)  My kids don't know the differences between their nana's and their papa's.  THEY LOVE THEM ALL- OUR HEARTS ARE HUGE.  My younger siblining's look at my mom as family-and she does back at them. LOVE DOES AMAZING THINGS TO OUR HEARTS.  We are capable of so much love and forgiveness if we allow ourselves to look for the blessings instead of the heartaches.  As I've stated previously, it's all perspective.  Choose to live in the past or choose to bathe in the love of the present. 

We had an ugly sweater Christmas Party

Our hearts really are huge.  I'm not embarrassed anymore.  In fact, I tell everyone who knew them in a former life (HA) that we are having Thanksgiving with my dad and Gigi and my mom and Mike and all of us (like 8 + 3 grand)  kids- it's so FUN to watch them process it!  My heart knows no different now.  This is my life. We are just a family. A family loving each other, supporting each other, having a BLAST together, and sharing life together.  A family that once was broken but now is BLENDED.  

Praise

I love to smile, giggle, be silly, and I'm fueled by positive people.  I'm the one when any kind of music comes on that the movement starts with the toes (it's involuntary I swear) and ends up with gyrations that are unrecognizable (worse than Elaine in Seinfeld).   I can't help it- I love to feel free- and I can't dance but I have fun doing it!  I have felt self conscience a time or two and I know people have judged me but it's me being me and I seriously can't help it.  I love to be happy.  

I'm certain that all people love to be praised and feel 'seen' but are not necessarily inspired by happy land. (At least that's what they think.)  It takes all kinds right?  Well this week I laid into my kids.  THEY NEEDED IT.  (I wasn't being positive and I'm not really sure I cared whether they were being seen.) Living in a home with two teenagers is like poking knives in your eyes on purpose.  I never, ever, know what I'm going to get... One minute they are wanting hugs and smiling and then next minute someone is crying and hates the world.  Me dancing around the house singing 'Give God Your Glory, Glory, Children of the Lord," rarely helps- the ten year old occasionally laughs.  I digress (I do that a lot)- what I was saying is that I flat out told them that they were going to use their mouths for good- I wouldn't tolerate negativity- it's a habit.  I think of other adults in my life that sound like them and it frightens me that they will never outgrow this teenage disease thing.  

FAIRYTALE LAND

I've been told a time or two that I live in a fairy tale land and that people can't live feeling that positive...I disagree.  (Of course I do!)  Being happy is a choice- not always a feeling.  There have been times in my life that everything is crumbling around me and yet I felt filled with joy- because I refuse to feel any other way.  (I'm not a magic unicorn and I do get down- but it usually lasts a day and NEVER does any good.)  This is what I was trying to tell (loudly) my spawn-life is about choices and you can choose to see the crud around you or you can see the abundant beauty.  We can choose to use our mouths to build up or to tear down.  When simply stated like that I don't want to tear anything or anyone down-including me.  An amazing friend of mine said, "Thank goodness God guards the gates of my mouth," AMEN SISTA!

We as people are great at finding our flaws.  The danger in this is that when we magnify our own flaws we find them in everyone around us.  Misery loves company.  It's in our nature to try to relate to people even if it's by doing so in a destructive manner.  THIS IS SAD.  We are all humans-one race-one kind.  Guess what?   We all have flaws and NONE of us are perfect. SHOCKER.  I KNOW that PRAISE can fuel us more than criticism!  

I need to know that my tribe is using their hearts and mouths to build up and glorify those around them. (We are a work in progress.) When they spread their wings they need to leave this home knowing that who they are and how they feel don't have to be directly related to circumstances and certainly not to others.  I pray that they know that praising themselves and those around them (everyone) will always be more fruitful than the alternative.  It's a reflection of ourselves if we are continuously critical of others-and people see it.

We all have people in our lives that only see the clouds.  There is a beautiful sun chilling out above those clouds that they fail to see! LOOK FOR IT! They lack passion and enthusiasm for almost everything, especially if it may be giving someone else praise.  These people are habitually critical of themselves and EVERYONE around them- and they don't have to be.  I believe they live their lives scared of being happy because then they think they wouldn't have anything to talk about if they were.  Misery, in their head, makes for great conversation.  FLAG RAISING TIME!

Remember the movie Monsters, Inc- best Disney Pixar Movie ever! (I'm not opinionated or anything-HA.)  In that movie Sulley, the main monster dude, figured out that making the children giggle instead of scaring them provided so much more energy to Monstropolis. BRILLIANT!  Well of course it did.  Think about the energy in a room when you are having a party or celebrating a triumph.  I've got a better one, think about a baby giggling!  It's contagious.  You want more of it right?  YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY GET ENOUGH. 

Let me let you in on a little secret.  An extremely wise person told me a long time ago, "Stop complaining.  NOBODY really wants to hear how you are when they ask.  Say "Great", and move on."  That was harsh.  Somewhere in those lines lies the truth, however.  There are only a select few that want to hear it- and even for them-unless it's a truly tragic situation-not that often.  

Praise starts with us.  It starts inside.  It starts by loving YOU.  We can't LOVE WELL- if we don't love ourselves first.  Lifting others up is an extension of yourself.  Tearing them down is as well.  When you think that you are placing the spotlight on someone elses flaws you are really turning it back on yourself.  Dancing in front of others (may actually be cruel and unusual punishment to those around me) but it shows them that there is joy bursting out of me and I want to share it. Habits are made to be broken.  Find things that you love about YOU, and then look for those in others.  I guarantee that the world will look miraculously more beautiful-you will start dancing too!

Hot Air Balloon-A Date Tuscan Style

I'm terrified of heights.  If I think about something tall- like taller than the heels I put on- I start to sweat- it starts with my feet and ends in my palms.  It's seriously no good- and I wish this weren't such an issue for me.  Years ago I was with my family in Paris they all wanted to go to the top of the Eiffel Tower- there was NO WAY I was doing that.  Paris was very beautiful from the ground- thank you.  What was worse is that my hubby wasn't there so I couldn't send the kids up with him while I waved safely from down below.  I was trying to figure out how to get out of it.  Then my 6 year old grabbed my hand and told me he would take care of me.  I was doomed- I had to go.  That sweet little boy took my hand and held it while my feet made fart noises-I could barely keep my shoes on (due to the copious amounts of sweat being generated).  Here I was among the lovestruck elite, cooing and cuddling-making awful noises from down below-being held up by my 6 year old.  Not one of my finer moments.  Why do you care about this?  (You probably don't.)  I had to get out of my comfort zone because he really wanted to go and I LOVE him so much.  I didn't overcome my fear but I faced it.

The same was true for my guy.  As I've said here time and time again- it's so important to have dates and spice it up by trying new experiences- HAVE FUN.  Occasionally you have to get out of your comfort zone in order to please them- even if it's your biggest fear.  This was so true when my husband turned 40.  Remember what heights do to me?  Yeah, so I surprised him with a trip to Tuscany- one of our favorite places on earth. (I think surprises really help to add spice and romance.) One of the big treats on that trip was a Hot Air Balloon Ride outside of Florence and Sienna.  (I still say this was a true act of love.)  Most of you probably think it sounds amazing...my feet were farting the whole way there-which kind of takes away from the mood I was hoping to create! 

That being said, I got in the basket- and we were off.  Holy crap we were off- there was no taxiing, there was no safety warnings (if there were I wouldn't have heard him anyway-I was sure I was crashing) but we were off- with nothing but a beautiful basket and and a lot of air between the ground and my feet.   And then I saw it.....

I saw this very picture first.

The sun was rising from the low tuscan hills, vibrantly illuminating the morning sky... and my guy was serenely mesmerized.  All of my fear (for about a moment) was gone and all I saw was the pure joy in him-and the marvelous masterpiece created by our Father.  The thing that is my greatest fear gave him such joy (to a certain degree to see me squirm, I'm sure).

We saw Tuscany from a whole different perspective. We even saw one of our favorite walled cities in the distance, San Gimignano!  It was unbelievable.  The abundant beauty was hard not to be in awe of no matter what noises I was making in the basket!  

The thing is we were not only taking in the romantic beauty before (or under-yikes) us-Jon saw me differently too.  I was willing to face my fear to show him love- and he clearly understood it.  I put myself out there (I'm sweating just typing this-that's how bad it is) in order to give him an experience that he could remember forever.  I TREATED HIM- I surprised him (HE HAD NO IDEA ABOUT THE TRIP) and showed him I valued HIM and all that he meant to our family!  They say relatioships are about compromise... I say they are also about surprise-doing things that stretch you and challenge you with your mate-things that express that you put their feelings above your own sometimes.  I got in my one and only hot air balloon that day...and I never need to again (I cared enough to do it once).

Judgement

"If you judge people you have no time to love them."  Mother Theresa.

My heart has had a heavy week and I have found myself continuously thinking about people in my life and judgements that I have passed over the years. (This is not something I'm proud of.)  We all have opinions and standards that we apply in our lives.  Sometimes we have criteria that we absolutely believe in- but we don't always practice them.  In the past I've been tripped up questioning why people in my life weren't living by my standards and didn't share my opinions (how narcissistic is that....seriously).  Much of the time I believe that as loving people our standards and opinions for not only our lives, but those around us come from a place of love.  I truly believe that most people don't intentionally try to pass judgement just to be malicious- but sometime our intentions fail us and how we act is hurtful to others.  

We may not understand how someone is living their life.  We may want better for them.  We may even see more potential in them than they see in themselves.  They may not be able to help it.  You and I don't walk in their shoes.  Their pain could transcend everything that we have 'seen' on the outside.  It could be such a deep rooted corruption in their very being that stopping their behavior, curbing that addiction, quitting their binging, trying to eat (whatever their issue is) probably requires an enormous tool box- and they may only have a screwdriver.  

Before I had kids I had this beautiful friend who had a gorgeous small daughter.  We spent quite a bit of time together.  One time, in particular, the three of us were in the car driving through our cute little town.  About a block from us we saw those shiny golden arches.  They light up the sky!  This sweet girl couldn't pass those arches without wanting to go in every time!  (I mean seriously-those fries are tempting.)  My friend obliged her daughter often because it made her happy.  I remember thinking to myself "my two year old will NEVER know what McDonalds is."  (YOUNG AND DUMB)  Yep-I passed judgment.  GUESS WHAT- my two year olds totally knew what it was.... you know why?  IT OCCASIONALLY KEPT THEM QUIET! (Same reason my beautiful friend introduced it to her darling daughter.)  I was just too narrow minded to think past the fact that I thought it was so bad for her (which it was for my kids too) AND that I could do it better.  (I feel ashamed just typing this.)  I DIDN'T do any better-and guess what we were both doing the best we could at the time.  I was judging my dear friend-without walking in her shoes.  I didn't have kids.  I wasn't a new mom.  I wasn't trying to gain any peace and quiet in my day... I had it.  

The thing is-we may not have the same struggles/or endure similar circumstances as our friends.  We may not understand their battles at all.  Guess what- they probably don't understand ours (we all have them-so let's not pretend we don't).  When we allow our minds to make that judgment call instead of empathetically caring for that person we are doing them and OURSELVES a great disservice.  We all carry our issue suitcase with us.  Some people carry their suitcase's neatly packed, closed tight, locked with their name tag clearly attached.  The presentation is beautiful. Others carry their's with clothes in balled heaps, with the zipper half open- everything falling out for the world to see with each step they take.  The only difference is what it looks like to the outside world.  One looks put together and neatly packaged, while the other looks messy and chaotic.  The 'stuff' inside is still the same.  

Love is not always enough.  Some peoples tool box's are so depleted (because the tools were never in the box to begin with) that they can't fix the simple things things that you and I see as the no brainers.  Most people don't want to self destruct- in fact I'll go out on a limp here- NOBODY wants to self destruct.  The people in our lives that we KNOW or that we know of (big case/little case) that are hurting themselves and in turn hurting all of those around them that care- aren't purposefully trying to cause pain or asking you and I to tell them what's wrong with them.... THEY KNOW.  They don't know how to fix it.  Doing what they've always done is what they KNOW how to do.  Guess what- you and I passing judgement their way- doesn't keep them from going to McDonalds...if I really didn't want my friend to give in to the golden arches I should have packed a turkey sandwich.

What I'm really starting to  believe is that it's easier for us to pass judgement than to do anything.  All I had to do while judging her was ride with her through the drive thru- I didn't have to get the bread out and make the sandwich- or better yet invite them over to have them make it with me.  That would have taken my money, time and effort.  If we aren't willing to put the effort into helping fill up the tool box to fix the problems than we should really be judging the one looking back at us in the mirror instead of the one that only had the screwdriver to begin with.

Impact

If everyday I live life knowing that at the end of the day I can smile at myself in the mirror instead of question my intentions- I think I'll have had an impact.  I used to think that life was about what I got out of it.  I based the value of my life on the value that each experience was to ME.

Clearly that nariasisitc attitude was flawed, but at the time I thought that my feelings were the gauge in which MY LIFE was measured. This sounds like I didn't take into consideration other peoples feelings- I ABSOLUTELY did- but if they hurt my feelings or they broke my heart- my experience was bad- I felt bad- and therefore I wasn't getting what I wanted out of it.  What if LIFE isn't about your feelings at all?  What if it's about your impact on others?  What if your feelings are only as good as the mark you leave on the world?  

I've thought about this a lot lately. In my late teens and twenty's I really got my feeling hurt a lot.  My heart was broken a few times (which at the time you think is the worst pain you will ever feel- unfortunately it's not), a friendship may have hurt my feelings etc.. You get the picture.  I went through life feeling hurt and heartbroken- not angry- just melancholy about a lost relationship.  The problem with that is that I was exactly where I was supposed to be- on the exact path- and that attitude was so me focused that I didn't realize that it didn't matter if this relationship or that relationship hurt me- I (hopefully) had an impact on their future life.  (I mean seriously who can forget this hot mess- I joke.)

What I'm saying is that if we live our life trying to have an impact on others-not focusing on how people make us FEEL but rather WHO THEY ARE- we will have laid our mark on this world.  Once you take the ME out of actions and reactions and behave as you would want to be treated- you touch lives.  You SEE people right where they are- instead of where you want them to be.  You also show others how to live by example, not out of your own resentment.  Life is so short and the older me thinks that if I go through my day thinking about how I can serve others (instead of what I get from them-how they make ME feel) I will be true to who I want be- who I was created to be.  The older me KNOWS that prayer changes my heart- it may not change people- but it changes my view on people based on my hearts desire to love HIM.  When I close my eyes for the last time I pray that I have loved deeply- but also selflessly.  If I was created to give my creator GLORY- then my lungs need to breathe life into HIS people (all people).  My hope is that my impact is about the imprint I've had on others based on my purpose for living.  My dream is to serve others based on my purpose.  My story will be a messy tale about how a maturing (YES I'M GETTING OLD) woman looked in the mirror at the end of the day- always expecting to see that smile.  What do you want your impact to be?

YOUR LIFE HAS PURPOSE.  YOUR STORY IS IMPORTANT.  YOUR DREAMS COUNT.  YOUR LIFE MATTERS.  YOU WERE BORN TO MAKE AN IMPACT.  

Author Unknown

My Box

Sitting on the couch on a snowy day with a warm blanket, oversized sweater, sipping a steaming cup of coffee out of my favorite mug, with my favorite book- probably Diana Gabaldon’s Outlander Series- was my jam!  This was my comfort zone.  It was and still is MY HAPPY PLACE.

I don’t need to be surrounded by people, noise, things (although none of those are bad) I like quiet and romance.  To me, that scenario sounds heavenly (and may only happen once a year).   

When I’m in that moment, at that time, I’m in my box.  That’s where my life was comfortable and fine.   I know it.   Everything inside that box is mine.  The problem is that when I stayed inside that box- I wasn't allowing myself to come out.  Occasionally, that’s just fine- but probably no place to LIVE.

This morning I left my comfort zone.  I left my home in the dark hours, while the house was asleep, to embark on a journey.  I’m stepping out of the box and I’m terrified.  My life is in that box.   I don’t know if I ever thought about it or if I was living a life of complacency but I didn’t know there was life outside of the box.  I didn’t realize that I could even breathe outside of the box. I truly don't know if I even wanted to.

When I opened the box, about a year, ago and started to peek through I found three key things. 

I found Passion.  Before seeing the light outside of my box, I was certainly passionate about my guy, my children , and family and friends beyond them,  but I didn’t realize that there was this crazy passion inside of me that was gurgling…  It was an eruption ready to happen and I didn’t even know it.  What I’ve found is that my passion has given me a platform to listen to and help people and that fills me up so that when I’m back in my box I appreciate it so much more.

I found commitment and strength.  I realized that for years I had lived in my box out of fear.  I would find myself putting one foot into several different things so that I always had the excuse to take it back out- just in case it didn’t work out.  When I committed to my passion I owned it.  I will not take my foot out.  I climbed over the fence and have both feet firmly in.  This is not easy for the girl that just wants her pj’s on and to stay inside her box.

I found me.  I am NOT saying I wasn’t me when I hadn’t found my passion.  I’m not even saying that my comfort zone isn't my haven.  What I am saying is that I found that there is so much more in me that I wasn't  allowing to shine.  There is so much still erupting in me that was not being fueled because I was too afraid to fail-at being me.

We all have it.  We all have passion, strength and commitment.  We all have our inner us that wants to be heard and seen.  We all are destined for greatness but we have to open our box, peek through and allow ourselves to explode.  I took off my pj’s, put on some high heels and left the house this morning- butterflies in my belly, fear dangling in front of me-but molten lava spewing out ready to ignite (imagine that mess)-all knowing that I will happily return to my wide open box preparing those in it to open theirs, as well.

The Hampton Social, Chicago

We were treated to a Day Date this past weekend and oh my goodness was it amazing!  The Hampton Social is like nothing else that I've ever experienced in Chicago.  This upscale, swanky space is full of east coast good vibes .  From the moment we walked in we were greeted by friendly staff and a 'we could be here' all day feel!

Think yacht club meets sweet social setting.  It boasts the traditional white and blue decor that one would expect in, well, The Hamptons.  Comfy couches, floor to ceiling windows that open to the street, and hammocks to chill in. Seriously? How cool is that?

On the particular day that we were there there was a birthday party of middle twenty somethings that were going to Arlington Race Track- but had come to The Hampton Social sporting their cute hats and sipping on fun libations!  It actually helped set the scene for us even more so-which added to the wow factor- and we haven't even gotten to the food yet!!

Uhm hello yummy goodness. This food was outstanding  We were there with our family so we all decided to share.  Being the foodie crowd we are, no one can ever make up their mind, because we all want to try everything- we indulged our senses and did!

We started with the seafood tower.  Packed with jumbo shrimp, crab claws, oysters, tuna tartare... holy shmolly was it delicious.  The mustard sauce was to die for and all of the seafood was so fresh and amazing!!  We then treated ourselves to the Lobster Deviled Eggs- yeah I said Lobster.... they were incredible!!  Creamy-but not too wet- the pieces of Lobster were tender in your mouth- oh my yumminess!

Ok, so those were just a start... We then had the woodfired pizzas.  I'm serious the Mushroom Pizza was one of the best things I've ever had!!  It had roasted mushrooms truffle cream and arugula to give it that added spice... oh my goodness the aroma of the truffles were not even as fabulous as the creamy deliciousness itself. YOU MUST DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND TRY THIS!  We also had the Lobster Pizza- when in Rome... It was spectacular as well!!  Full bites of lobster, potatoes and it also had arugula. Holy deliciousness!

I'm not going to lie- we flat out ate our way through the menu.  Next we had the Montauk Mac and the Mini Crab Cakes.  BEST EVER Lobster Mac I've had.  Lobster Claw, egg noodles, smoked cheddar and swiss chard...seriously I should have gone and sat in the corner- not allowing anyone a bite- I actually may have!!  The Mini Crab Cakes were again, not too wet, but packed with fresh crab. There was a corn relish and lemon aoli on the plate that really finished them off nicely.  SO GOOD!

We love to try different restaurants and we are always looking for new experiences- The Hampton Social nailed it!  If you are looking for amazing food set in a new and different- just plain cool- environment- THIS IS YOUR PLACE!!!  I felt like I was on vacation out east- and that's the point right?  A day date that takes you away for awhile! Truly spectacular.  This is one of those places that will be hard to top. Check them out- you'll be glad you did!

Breathe

This life is crazy and hectic and beautiful and messy and MINE.  You would think at my age I would have it all figured out...But I don't!  Does anyone and should we?  What I do know is that when I don't stop to appreciate life and the precious cargo around me-things blow up like a blender full of fruit with no top on it... (I've done that- not pretty)  One of the things I'm super intentional about is family time; no friends and no activities occasionally.... PERIOD.

The media (they always get a deservedly bad wrap)- and society tries to dictate how we parent, our rolls in relationships, and us in general.  The worst part is that we buy in-we let them tell us how to think, behave, and be!!  We put our 5 year olds on sports teams (this is not necessarily a bad thing) that make them gone 5 nights a week- and then can't figure out why they are crying or tired.  I'm just as guilty as everyone else so I promise I'm not pointing fingers.  Years ago one of my children was in a 'sport' and every week it was the same thing- tears and crying....didn't want to go.  On one particular day I had had it... (think crazy momma unleashed-scary-not really but it makes for good imagery).  I turned around and started basically yelling that I was NOT going to do this anymore. I then asked the question I should have started with....

ME   "Do you want to do this?"  

Child "NO."  

ME  "Then why are you doing this?"   

Child "I thought you wanted me to."

???? Seriously like at that moment, on that day, jumping off a tall building would have sounded like a better option to me (I'm seriously afraid of heights so NO GOOD).  Anyway I turned the car around and we went home-novel concept.  This particular child had no interest in that activity-yet I enrolled them because that's what all kids at that age participated in.  What someone should have asked me is "so how's that working out for you?"

Was I nuts? (if you know me you don't need to answer that..you know the answer)  I know that all kids are different- and different personalities and interests peek at different ages but I'm pretty sure that most kids don't want to be over programmed- they don't need to have dinner every night on the fly because Sally's family down the street never has dinner together- and the coach thinks little Jonny might have talent- he may even start in high school (he's 4).  

We get it in our heads that if we aren't doing with our kids what everyone else and their mother are doing with their kids that somehow our kids won't play pro ball or be president!  INSERT HUGE SIDE MOUTHED QUIRKY FACE!  News Flash... your kid is probably not going to play pro ball and who in the heck would want to be president?  Having dinner with your family every once in awhile may make the difference between them being happy and relational or feeling alone and isolated because their only involvement is other kids their age.  

This is going to completely go against culture but I would rather get a sitter for my kids and go on a date with my husband to preserve our relationship than cart a crying kid around who just wants to be home anyway.  I feel like we have fallen so far away from letting kids be kids that they don't even think it's ok to be anymore.  I'm quite certain that my gun toting boys (toy guns I swear)  that hang out in trees have scared (not really) more than one neighbor- but guess what-they're boys- and given the opportunity boys do boy things!

What I've seen in our family and our friends families is that when we all remove ourselves, occasionally, from the Rat Race of "What activity is your kid doing every night," and just try to be a family, we help to create their haven.  We all must: STOP. LISTEN. BREATHE.  When we do so we allow ourselves to be a family instead of an episode of Crazy Town (have you ever seen that show- kind of creepy).  We give each other time!  There is nothing more valuable than time- they won't be around forever.  I'm certain that I will wish that I had more time with them when they go start their own lives. I'm positive that I'll wish I did some things differently, but I'm even more convinced that I will never regret occasionally taking the time to say no to activities to enjoy some family time.  It's on those evenings we can all breathe and embrace our messy life.

Differences

Be a reflection of what you would like to see in others.  If you want love, give love.  If you want honesty, give honesty.  If you want respect, give respect.  You get in return what you give.  Author Unknown.

When our kids are young we show them love and teach them about love.  We show them, hopefully, that life is a beautiful rainbow- we are all different.  We teach our kids that differences are good and that we just need to be kind. What is beautiful is; what we are teaching them is TRUTH.  Differences are good and should be celebrated not twisted into something ugly.

It must be so confusing for kids when they turn into teenagers and then young adults because all that kumbaya- lets be who you are in the world- gets turned on its head- and you can only be you if you believe what the world believes.

Recently I had an interesting conversation with a dear friend.  It was about sharing ourselves.  Sharing our thoughts and feelings with others even when our opinions contradict what either the world or the other person may think.  I'm confused (not hard to confuse me so maybe this isn't so profound) about when it became a problem to BELIEVE in concrete things.  When did the world change so much that we couldn't say we believe in something with our heart- but that didn't mean we DISLIKE something or someone else?  When did it become ingrained in us that we had to be wishy washy on everything so as not to hurt someone else's feelings? Maybe I don't get your point and you don't get mine- and that's ok! 

Once again I'm raising the flag on this one... (go figure- I have a stash of flags- since I'm always raising them).  We are HUMANS (just in case you forgot).  We absolutely and intrinsically believe in ideas and core values.  WE ALL DO.  People who say they don't are fighting against basic human nature by consciously trying NOT to believe in something.  We have been brain washed and desensitized into thinking that we can't share what they are.  If it doesn't fit in the box (like the evening news) then it's hate speech or hurtful to others.  

I'm here to tell you the real crime isn't in what you or I believe or don't believe.  The real crime is not having the stones to share our beliefs.  How can we be authentically us if we can't or more accurately WON'T even have an opinion on anything?  How can we have REAL relationships if people don't KNOW or say where they stand.  

Listen, BELIEVING in something isn't a bad thing.  Contrary to public opinion I would argue that STANDING UP FOR SOMETHING and OWNING it ensures credibility and character.  Just because what you stand for isn't in accordance with your neighbor or your best friend- that does not mean you dislike them or anyone else for that matter- you have a differing belief or value-PERIOD.  I also believe that being quiet or agreeing with someone just because you don't want to 'rock the boat' or because you think you are honoring that relationship actually has the opposite effect.  

Just a little funny...if you want to be surrounded by differing opinions... try homeschooling amongst friends and family who don't.... (Insert HUGE WIDE EYED FACE!)

Sharing  yourself- your beliefs and values- out of love and deep conviction can only deepen relationships.  If you can't BE you by SHARING you, then WHO are you?  At the end of the day, love, honesty and respect will be magnified and strengthened- and therefore relationships deepened-if you have the courage to Share WHO YOU ARE.  Someone I love dearly a long time ago told me to "be who you are and own it."  Author Unknown-to you.  To me she helped unclip my wings.