December is my favorite month of the year. I’m one of those people that feels like I have a smile on my face from Thanksgiving through New Years. I dance around the house to Kenny Rogers Christmas, have twinkly lights on in every room, plan more family gatherings, and just find joy in the sweetness of the season. This month for me is full of hope and possibility, given to us by the birth of Christ himself. The ‘holidays’ are anchored in family and tradition that at their core are all about belonging, togetherness, and LOVE.
Every year around this time, however, I hear moans and groans that on their face value are rather legitimate. It’s a busy time of the year, with a lot of family around. Expectations are high, and it can feel overwhelming. I’m not immune. So many people are talking about boundaries or maybe just skipping the holidays all together. I get it… it’s all a lot and it can all be hard. I have a few questions, however. What if you didn’t get another chance to have that chaotic meal with your family. We always think we have more time to mend fences, but what if we don’t? Are you ok with that? You can be both, glad that you had that meal and relieved that it’s over! How would you feel if next year there was one less chair at the table? Most of us have experienced such a loss. (To hug my grandma sounds rather perfect right now, and so much needed.) Is all the work, sacrifice, compromise, and maybe swallowing some words worth that memory? (Trust me on this one, if you are swallowing words from them, they are doing the same for you too. So why not just make nice?) Just asking, because I’m curious if we change our perspective maybe that will change our attitude and outcome.
I grew up in a house that had a tradition for EVERYTHING. My sisters birthday; the same pumpkin shaped cake with licorice eyes. Halloween...chilli by candlelight, with a family friend. Lighting and decorating the tree...new pj’s outside of the bathroom door after your shower, and then candles and twinkly christmas lights followed by a fancy meal. All through the month of December... a felt calendar with candy canes that each day we read a note telling us who to do something nice for, or go hunting in the house for a special treat. My birthday.. grasshopper ice cream pie. Christmas Eve...appetizers, always with my grandma and cousins (no one can hear what anyone is saying because we all speak loudly and hug constantly). Christmas morning... a ham and egg breakfast casserole with cinnamon rolls, and we can’t have it ANY OTHER TIME ALL YEAR LONG. (So if you know my age you know how many times that I’ve had that casserole.) Valentines Day...heart shaped sandwiches in our lunch and a note, with a fancy dinner that night. Memorial Day...every year at our friends lakehouse, watching the same movies every time (Stealing Home and Dream a Little Dream), having the same meals every single coordinating night. Every Chicago Bears Game...you have to wear orange and blue (oh wait that was just me but…). I’m leaving some out but you get the picture. Traditions; customs or beliefs that are passed on from one generation to the other. My home growing up was filled with them, and everyone was welcome! We never were and still aren’t an exclusive crowd, if you’re in our heart, you’re ours. Our friends, our special friends, the person you just met (has actually happened), were always welcomed into our traditions. Much to my mom’s surprise and pleasure, my home today is filled with them as well.
Last weekend was Thanksgiving and every year I host it on Saturday. It gives all of our family a chance to have Thursday with whomever they wish and then we can all come together for the weekend. This year we had 26 people! There aren’t many things in life that make my heart happier than that! All in chairs, dining off of real plates, with real glasses, and real silverware. I want that day to feel like it’s so special for ANYONE who walks through my door. It’s my gift to my family. This is my tradition. We all have to sit at one table, and we each talk about what and who we are thankful for and about. Tears and laughter are flowing as fast as the wine is poured. Dancing always erupts. Each year I take a moment to stand back, or get on the table and look down on everyone connecting and re-committing to this family. That is joy. It’s the most important thing I do.
After seeing some of my pictures recently, someone said, “well you have the perfect blended family. It’s easy for you guys.” I smiled. No, no we don’t, and I mean that with all sincerity, love and respect. We have a blended, sometimes broken family...but at the end of the day we are FAMILY. The only difference between us and maybe some other families that are struggling right now is that we don’t give up, and we keep working at these relationships that mean EVERYTHING to each of us. I say this with all confidence. We have been reminded by circumstances time and time again that life is precious and fragile, so we keep trying, giving, taking, forgiving, loving and doing what needs to be done to be together, stay together, and love each other.
The holiday season can be a lot for a lot of people. Let’s not forget that our lives are not about the gifts under the tree, the perfection we are striving to present to the world, or the details that feel overwhelming. This season and beyond is about people, your people. Next year I want to build a bigger table, and be tired from all the work, but enjoy every moment of the chaos of the people so preciously placed in my life, so that they KNOW that they belong and are deeply loved and cherished. We do this for ourselves, but also so that our next generation feels at their core the importance of family, the beauty of this sacred season, and the passing of these heartfelt traditions. I BELIEVE, that that’s what this holiday season is really about; there is room at our table and everyone is welcome.